Twenty Twenty.
It is what it is.
The circumstances of my life in 2020 were not uniquely outrageous, but I must warn this post is a long one because I want to remember the uniqueness of this year for all of us. One like none of us have seen before, and goodness gracious I hope not to see the likes of again.
I struggle to remember a NYE where so many people were so full of hopeful anticipation as the one leaving 2019 behind and ushering in 2020. So many "this is our year"s and such optimism for this Roaring 20s 2.0
Wow. She fooled us. And we fell for her shiny facade Hook Line & S(t)inker.
Our 2020 started with family heartbreak when Cole's uncle Eric suddenly and tragically passed in January. This led to 2 trips to Colorado in 2 weeks time, and his memorial service on Valentine's Day. It was a really beautiful service and was fun to hear the memories that everyone had of him.
I continued working away on my Masters' Degree, working hard to finish in May; while still teaching those 7th graders a thing or two. Cole kept plugging away in the cold bleak warehouse that is Nolan Belle Motors, where for maybe the first time since being in business for ourselves Cole put all of our eggs in the Tax Return Basket, stocking our inventory in a big, expectant way. We had no idea that Tax Return season wouldn't happen.
Ministry was in full swing. Redeemer Church has grown beyond our wildest dreams and getting to do life & ministry on the daily with such great people is a dream come true. But people are messy and they tend to carry that mess around with them. February 2020 looked like various forms of ministry & counseling every night of the week. I found myself in my house a lot but never really "home." In fact, we shipped our kids over to M&M's house one night a week so that they could have a "normal" family night each Monday (albeit not with their actual parents). Our pace of life was fast & furious & beginning to feel out of control. I didn't know how I could sustain it, and I sat down with Cole & told him I had to unload some things. I told him I just wished I could hit PAUSE, where I wouldn't have to tell anyone no to needing our time, they'd just stop asking for it.
The cold winter weather and the stress and the sadness of it all prompted Cole & I to book a beach vacation for the week of Spring Break, which was just 5 short weeks away. Thus marking the earliest that these Hodsons have ever planned and booked a vacay in the history of ever. 5 weeks was bearable.
Teaching middle schoolers brings a variety of "news" to your plate, and throughout January & February my 7th graders had been educating me on this "coronavirus" that was sweeping through Asia (or as they preferred to call it: the Kung-Flu... no one ever accused middles of being any sort of politically correct).
During the 2nd week of March, March 11th to be exact, I worked a late evening at Parent-Teacher Conferences and came home to find Cole watching NBA basketball. We never watch the NBA. We don't care that much about basketball and I think the NBA is overrated. Fight me about it.
As I sat down with him I realized he wasn't actually watching basketball, but watching 2 teams and an arena full of fans waiting for the officials to announce whether they would even get to play. I heard the announcers talking about players having tested positive for this Coronavirus, or what they'd named COVID-19. That name sounded so wierd to me, cold, unfamiliar. Little did I know...
Within the next few hours not only had they cancelled that particular game, but the NBA had cancelled the remainder of their 2020 season, major league baseball had cancelled the rest of their spring training and postponed their season openers, and the PGA had postponed their tournaments for the forseeable future, including the Masters. What in the world was going on?! Cole & I looked at each other and I asked, "Should we be paying more attention to this thing?" To which he replied, "I think so. This is big."
I had students for half a day of school on that Thursday, March 12 and then they were out for a long weekend. By Thursday night we had a short staff meeting to discuss the possibility of a school shut down in response to this Coronavirus, and were told to begin preparing online lessons that could sustain at least a couple of weeks on "remote learning." What is remote learning?! How is that even possible? How was I supposed to do what I do every day in my classroom through a computer screen? "I can do it for a couple of weeks I guess."
Over the long weekend announcements of events being cancelled and entire European countries being shut down were all over the news. Cities began imposing curfews and the news talked exclusively about the need for people to stay home as much as possible, limit your exposure to others, and help slow the spread of this virus. It all seemed very surreal and sci-fi movie worthy.
By Monday our school district had announced that we would in fact shut down for 2 weeks beginning Tuesday, March 17. St Patrick's Day. Never would I have imagined that day would be my last day in my classroom with that Class of 2025. But then again, I had no idea what we were in store for.
That week the city, county & state began issueing ordinances limiting public gatherings to no more than 10 people. That meant church could not continue as normal either. So Thursday, March 19 we met at the 4th Street Theater with our worship team to record for Sunday's service. Our collegiate Connect Group came as the congregation, spreading out over the theater for Cole to have someone to preach to. We recorded on Thursday because that weekend was to be our departure for that beach vacation. We got home that night to the news that the United States had issued a Level 4 travel advisory, warning Americans to cease all international travel and for those already outside the US to return home immediately. We went to bed that night having made the sad decision to postpone our vacay. We were all in tears. #firstworldproblems
The original 2 week school closure became 2 more, and then 2 more until at the beginning of May the Governor announced that all Missouri schools would be closed for the remainder of the year. I sat in my living room and cried literal tears. Tears of heartbreak and sadness and the hard reality that this weird remote-living wasn't going away for awhile. Three quarters of the year complete and we were being sent home to finish.
The 2nd half of March, April and May became a string of days that all ran together seemingly never ending. That pause button that I was looking for in February had arrived in my lap. Nothing and no one needed my time or attention, aside from my own kids and my students who I still mostly "saw" online every day. We all got a crash course in Zoom and Google Meet, video conferencing companies that would end up being the Heroes of 2020. Literally saving the day. There was no going to work, no sports or practices to be at, soccer season cancelled, no church events or even in-person church. We found favor with a local school gym that was willing to let us use their space to record church each week. A skeleton worship team + Cole would meet there each Friday night to record the service, then I'd spend Saturday editing and uploading so that it was ready to be "live" for our church family on Sunday morning. Week after week this became the only scheduled event of my life.
I typically live my life consumed by what time it is, what time the next thing is, and how late I am to it. For 8 weeks time meant nearly nothing to me. We had no schedule. I started cooking actual meals using actual ingredients. I made my own spaghetti sauce. I don't want to toot my own horn, but... it doesn't toot itself. We painted and played and read books and video chatted with our classmates and friends. Cole kept going to work because it's pretty easy to "social distance" with 2 people in 10,000 square feet of space. Because Cole was already out & about, we designated him as our shopper and errand runner too. The kids & I did not leave our house, except for the Friday night recordings, for weeks. And no one was asking me to do otherwise.
This is going to make some of you angry, but I'm willing to risk it: IT WAS GLORIOUS. Selfishly I got to spend all of my time at home with my people, which I know is not normal life, but was such a welcome reprieve for me.
*I need to insert a disclaimer here that I now know that these 8 weeks of isolation and nothingness were devastating to so many. Unemployment & depression were at higher levels than I'd ever seen. It truly wrecked lives and families, and for many people in many parts of the country 8 weeks was just the beginning. As of this NYE writing, we have friends in many cities & states who are still living this "stay at home" life, working & schooling & surviving every day within their own 4 walls.
For our lives here in mid-Missouri May brought some opening back up. We were able to resume church gatherings the week of May 17. We couldn't meet at our home in the 4th Street Theater as indoor public spaces had (and some still have) limitations on how many people can be there. We met for a few weeks at a park in Higbee, scattered about in lawn chairs & on blankets. That first Sunday back together brought tears to my eyes, it felt like being wrapped in a warm hug. After that we met in the backyard of the YMCA for a few weeks until we could develop a re-entry plan for meeting at the theater. By late June we had returned to our home for church, just beginning to take stock of the trauma that 8 weeks of isolation and distance had wreaked on our church family.
We were able to get away as a family to Yellowstone National Park for a couple of weeks in July. I'm convinced that it is one of the most beautiful places on Earth where God is simply showing off His beauty & creativity. Mid summer brought a shortened little league softball season for Zailey, where I got to coach her little team. It was only 10 games, but we'd take anything we could get. The Aquatic Center was closed for the summer, as were municipal pools across the state / country. Backyard pools flew off the shelves and became impossible to find. Stores were sold OUT of pools and bikes and kayaks... anything & everything that would allow people to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
Also during the summer I applied for, interviewed for, and got a new job! Not only was March 17 2020 the last day in my classroom with those kids, it turns out that it was my very last day in a classroom at all. Beginning July 1, 2020 I finally put that Masters degree to use & became the Assistant Principal of Moberly Middle School. I was nervous that I would terribly miss being in the classroom but I don't at all... I truly love this new gig that I have!
August brought the start of a very new school year. I never imagined a time when it would be in question whether or not our kids would be allowed to go to school, but here we were. Starting the year with in-person learning was the goal, yet all across the country schools started completely online or with a hybrid of remote / in-seat. I'm so thankful that our district fought hard for our kids to return to school 100% in-seat, with a virtual option for those with Covid health concerns. Teachers & students wear masks all day every day. Passing times are staggered so that the number of kids in the hallways is limited. Teachers clean & sanitize their classrooms at the end of each hour. This virus has all but taken over our school year. I can say without a doubt that I have spent more time in my first semester as an administrator dealing with health department rules and CDC guidelines and {dreadful} contact tracing than I ever even knew existed before.
BUT we're in school! Our kids got to have a fall soccer season, Javik played 8th grade football, and we made it through 1st semester with only one 2-week "remote learning closure" just prior to Thanksgiving. Words like "social distancing" and "quarantine" have become part of our vernacular.
2020 is a year that has taken a lot. Globally it will take years to recover. And that's after this pandemic is over.
But 2020 is also a year that has given a lot. I have learned things about myself, about my husband and my kids. I have leaned hard into my faith and seen God move in my life and in the lives of others. We have had so much time together as a family right smack in the middle of these years where our "normal" is so busy.
Am I ready for things to feel normal again? Yes. Am I trying to remember that not all parts of normal are worth returning to? Also yes.
So I head into this new year differently than I have in the past. There's a different kind of hopeful anticipation, one that is more hopeful that we'll apply those lessons of the previous year and less hopeful that my circumstances will set me up for success. 2020 has given us a myriad of excuses for everything we want to do or don't... the ultimate skapegoat for us. Let's let 2021 lead us to a place where we're able to set our circumstances aside and examine our hearts. Who are we? Who am I?... as a wife, as a mom, as a friend, a daughter, an employee, a church member. I want to be kind & giving, and selfless, and loving, and Christlike.
Time waits for no man: Javik goes to high school this year. Zailey turns double digits. These kids have not hit pause in their growing up, and one day they're going to want to leave this house & live their own lives. This year has taught me to be more intentional in my time with them. Enjoy both the chaos & the mundane. Cole & I will celebrate 19 years of marriage, a dance that we continue to practice and tweak and learn.
Our church will turn 3 in May. A family that has seen serious trauma in 2020, emerging stronger and more faith-filled than before.
Someday we will look back on this year and hindsight will truly be 20/20. Let's all escape this year as better people.
CH out.
