It is so crazy to me how fragile this life is & how quickly it changes...
My life has changed so much in the last 6 weeks that if I don't sit still & process all that has taken place, my brain might explode. So for my own safety & the sanity of those around me...
Summer 2014 : Cole & I were praying through some "proddings" that we felt were from the Holy Spirit regarding our future as a family & our careers. I had been feeling for a while that God was putting a softness in my heart toward homeschooling. Anyone who knows me knows that this HAD to come from God Almighty if it were ever to happen in my life. Heaven knows I wouldn't have walked that path on my own! Cole had also been feeling as though perhaps our ministry at our church (which we LOVE & wouldn't have walked away from for *almost* anything) was coming to an end. But we didn't know what that meant or what it would look like to leave, and so we didn't.
We brushed those things aside because we couldn't make sense of them.
They didn't fit in the plan that WE had for ourselves, and so we dismissed them.
So just like us.
So in the summer, a ministry opportunity presented itself to us that seemed to be the answer to all of those "proddings." A chance to plant a new church, with the opportunity to reach more people for Jesus, allowing me to stay home with our kids & even (gasp) homeschool Javik, while providing us a financially safe way to do it...
How could this NOT be from the Lord?!
So we began to prepare for our exit. In October I gave my resignation at school and we told our church that we would be leaving at year's end.
October 13-19 was one of the most emotionally draining & physically exhausting weeks of my life!
We started with Javik & Zailey. Nothing could have prepared me for the way they would each take that news & handle it so oppositely of one another. Crying & laughing; outbursts of excitement & mourning that seemed to turn from one into the other at the drop of a hat. Each night of the week was spent in the homes of some of our most dear friends... telling them the news of our departure. Wednesday the 15th we told our small group Framily, people who we were committed to live life with for the long haul (this group also included 2 of my co-workers, which added a whole new level...)
Sunday the 19th we stood before our church & told them the news. Tears flowed freely. Ours & theirs. We hugged & cried, cried & hugged until I had no tears left.
My 33rd birthday was the day I sat with my boss & gave resignation at a job that I loved. A workplace where I rarely felt like I was at "work."
By the time those 8 days were over, I was DONE. I was so emotionally drained, my children were sleep deprived... and we just kept assuring them that the chaos would calm SOON. But throughout, we felt affirmed that we were taking the right steps.
We spent 2+ months preparing to leave our little corner of the world... explaining hundreds of times why we would be moving to KC to eventually plant a church in STL... preparing my 100+ students to finish the year with a substitute teacher... preparing our church to continue ministering & loving people in our absence. One of the greatest lessons I learned during that time was humility. A lesson that has always been a tough one for me. Life can continue without me... at school, at church; I'm not the be-all-end-all! (I too was taken aback, so take some time to process that if you need to).
December 28 : Our last Sunday at Perche Baptist Church was perfect. Surrounded by our friends & family, laughing & crying & EATING... the way the Lord intended!
January 3, 2015 : We loaded up & headed to KC... moving into a house provided for us, ready to start a new adventure, a year that we knew would be crazy & chaotic & exciting as we prepared for another move to another city to start a new church.
We simply had no idea that the 2nd move would come so quickly.
Nor that the new city would be so close to "home".
January 15, 2015 : Our time in KC came to an end. Through events & circumstances that seemed out of our control, our partnership with the church there was over. I was hurt. I was furious! I felt like we had spent months putting all of our eggs into this one basket, only to have that basket taken from us. So many months preparing & planning, and it was over before it had really even begun.
What in the world was happening?!
Because my husband & I deal with heartache & hard things in completely different ways, he chose this time to be rational & trusting, while I chose to be panicked & outraged. Praise Jesus that he is the head of our household, lest we burn every bridge we've ever crossed & fly off the handle at my "steady hand."
Cole took this opportunity to do what he does best: minister.
He ministered to my heart by continually reminding me of some very basic things that I would not let myself remember:
1. God is not surprised by the events of our lives. He is sovereign & He is in control... even when I feel like control is spiraling away from me.
2. God is faithful to do what He says He will do, which is love us, provide for us, and give us a hope & a future.
and 3. The church is the bride of Christ, and if Jesus loved her enough to give His life for her, we will love her too. Even when we feel like a church has wronged us & left us out to dry. (I have to admit that this one is still a little hard for me to swallow. My pride insists on vengeance when I have been wronged... I know that this is not of Jesus. Be patient with me.)
My gut reaction was to GO HOME. Call my school. Call Perche. Move back home... Quick! Get to safety! But because he is the rational & trusting one, Cole suggested we take some time to observe what the Lord had done & was still doing in our lives...
(Bear in mind that we met with a couple on the evening of Jan 16 who had contacted us about buying our house. Yes, you heard me: they contacted us. That makes 2 of our houses...Long story short: they're buying it. We close 12 days from the time of this post.)
We had nothing but time! So we stepped back. Because gas is cheap right now (less than $2 for the national average?! Hello 1998!) & we are both unemployed, we took off out west. We were able to spend an entire week with Cole's mom & Grandma in Colorado, there to celebrate GG's 95th birthday with her, having no idea that she would pass from this earth to eternity just 9 days later. That is precious time with her that we never would have had if not for this turn of events.
We spent the next week at the pacific coast. Gorgeous SoCal weather & getting to take our kiddos to the beach for the first time. Another impossible from a KC office.
During that time, Cole & I talked about life. Our dreams. Our desires. The world was our oyster! Where did we want to go? Where did God want us to go?
Turns out: home. Or at least, pretty darn close! We got home on Thursday, Jan 29th. We had been scouring the internet for houses & property all over the U.S. For the immediate time, we decided we'd stay in Mid-MO until we had more clear direction. After getting home, we decided to get to work figuring out a home for our family post-Feb... Columbia was the center of our search. Turns out - property there is expensive! Whodathunkit? So we broadened our search -- to eventually include Moberly.
Now, I'm with you - Moberly has always seemed to me to be the armpit of the world. (I apologize to my friends from Moberly... the story does get better for the ol' Magic City.)
Our immediate plan is to start a dealership, which will provide some financial income for us (man can't live on bread alone! I know these Hodson "men" certainly can't!) & still give us some flexibility in our lives to pursue ministry. It's also a "job" that we can walk away from relatively easily if called somewhere else 6 months down the road.
So during our search for commercial dealership properties, things started falling into place. Part of my spirit is hesitant to attribute these falling pieces as the hand of God... not because I don't think He's in it, and I certainly know that He is able... Honestly, I'm just scared to claim discernment again. Maybe that's shallow faith. I don't know. I'm growing. Again, be patient with me.
Anyhoo, these falling pieces have become a New Life for the Hodsons in Moberly MO.
We landed a foreclosed home that will be a total reno job... all of which we will be able to pay cash for. We secured a location for a dealership that is both a great location & price. And we were led to a... unique location for a new church plant. What about a former adult video store doesn't scream "Put a church here!"?! What better place to communicate to people that "Any man who is in Christ is a new creation. The old is gone and all things become NEW!"
So this is what I'm processing... certainly not what I had planned for the start of 2015. But there's something about the best laid plans of men...
I am excited about what is to come! I'm happy that we're still close enough to our family, friends & framily to do life together with them. I'm anxious to see what God will do this year in & through our family.
My goal is to blog this process... the house reno, the dealership getting off the ground, the church plant... so that I can look back on this season of chaos & see a bigger picture of what a big God is up to.
