Warning: This blog post contains a fair amount of ranting. Proceed with caution. ;)
For the parents of "my" kids,
I am a teacher. And I am proud to be one.
A teacher, according to definition is a person who "teaches or instructs, especially as a profession."
And yet... being a teacher is so much more than that. And recently, even in my very own "Mayberry" community, I've been hearing a lot of teacher-bashing going on. And it makes me furiously sad... if that's a thing. Which I think it is, because I feel it!
People bashing schools because of the testing we have to administer. People bashing schools because of the actions of our "clients"... A.K.A.: your kids. People bashing schools because we can't get it all together. My invitation to those people would be this: come spend a day with me. Spend a day in my school, in my classroom, with OUR kids, and then you may have a glimpse. A glimpse of what it's like to look into the eyes of 100 kids every day and know. Just know. Know that your "job" is to teach them History, or Math, or whatever... and at the same time, know that they don't get enough to eat, or that they don't have heat at home, or that they spend their evenings watching their parents beat the snot out of each other.
Teachers are accused of showing favoritism & participating in bullying. Let me tell you what I know about teachers. Teachers love kids. There is absolutely NO other reason to go into this profession! We don't make enough money to deal with the amount of politics and paperwork and parents and testing and evaluations and ..... (fill in the blank with 7,000 other things) to teach for the money. And summers off are nice, but even 12 weeks of vacation don't outweigh 40 weeks of really hard & exhausting work. Teachers are teachers because they care about kids. And even if I don't show it every minute of every day of my working life, I do. And that's why I keep coming to work, and teaching kids, and crying with kids, and laughing with kids, and answering emails and phone calls, and doing. this. thing!
As a teacher, let me tell you what teachers do. Let me tell you what I do.
1. I show up. Every day. Ready to fill young minds with a plethora of information that their parents have probably spent the night before telling them they don't need to know. I'm going to combat that, and teach it to them anyway!
2. I know their names. All of them. First and last. I can even spell them correctly! And I know a lot of your names. And I know pets names, and siblings names, and birthdays and favorite colors and favorite sports teams and bands. Not because I have to... because I get to.
3. I pay attention. I try to recognize when friendships change, and when someone doesn't seem to have any friends at all. I take notice of who eats lunch with whom, and who eats lunch at all and who doesn't, trying to recognize red flags in their behavior. I take notice of students who take food from others... are they bullying? or are they hungry? Are they stealing food or things or attention because they want to be mean, or are they stealing those things because they aren't getting them anywhere else?
4. I watch. I watch them in the hallway and in the cafeteria. Have you ever looked a crowd of people and tried to analyze what each of them is thinking/doing/feeling in that moment? It's not easy. For those people who accuse teachers of "allowing" bullying to go on... Go there. Be there. Stand for a moment in their shoes. As a mother, my eyes are on mine. As a teacher, my eyes are on them all. Who is hurting? Who is hiding that hurt with humor? Who is simply hiding? Who is trying to hurt others? Who is trying to hurt me? Who has just been shut out? Who has been shut out for so long that they're almost on the edge? Who is on that edge? Have you been there? Watching all. of. that? It's not easy.
(FYI - those things weren't in my educational training. I didn't go to school to learn how to do that.)
5. I communicate. With them, with you, with my co-workers. I answer no less than 50 emails a day, pertaining to 100 different subjects. I make phone calls to parents whose kids I'm concerned about. Concerned about a sudden lack of effort (which I notice). Concerned about a sudden change in their peer group or appearance (which I notice). Concerned about a relationship that has just started or ended (which I notice). And I do most of that communicating on my own time, after work hours are "over."
6. I set clear expectations and I hold every one of my students to them. I expect them all to succeed, because I believe that they can.
7. I believe in them. I truly believe that every kid who has or is or will sit in my classroom can be successful. Does "successful" look the same for everyone? No. Can everyone get there? Yes! And I choose to be a part of helping them believe that about themselves. Some are harder to convince than others. And for those kids, I do a little "extra" believing, because they don't do enough of it for themselves.
8. I parent. Not only do I actually parent my own 2 children. I parent 100 8th graders every day from 8-3. During those hours, when their parents are at their actual jobs, I fill in. When "my" kids are sad & crying, I talk with them, I ask what I can do, I even *gasp* HUG them. When they aren't acting safely, I correct their behavior. When they are being mean to one another, I arbitrate. When they're telling jokes & loving life, I love it with them.
9. I let them into my world... and I venture into theirs. I talk to them about my family... because some of them like to hear the crazy stories that come from my people. And some of them need to know that a happy family CAN exist. Even if it doesn't exist for them right now. I let them get to know my kids. And I get to know them. I take in their hurts and fears and joys and pains and worries... I can't count the number of nights I've laid awake, thinking about one of "my" kids and what they might be going through. They are in my world.
10. I pray. I pray for them and for you. I pray for your family and for the families that they will lead one day. I pray for them on days when I know they might be feeling anxious. I pray for them to celebrate victories in their lives. I pray for them even when I'm not "supposed" to... like when they're standing right there in front of me!
Oh, and #11. I teach them some things about History. I do my best to educate them, and assess what they have learned (or haven't) and record those assessment scores so that I can assign a "grade" to what we do every day.
And I know I'm not alone. In fact, none of those things make me unique, or cause me to stand out. Those things make me a Teacher. I'll admit, there are days when I think "Oh. My. Word. I did not know it was going to be this hard!" And some days, I do a little happy dance when the bell rings at 3:12! And some days, I skip into my classroom in the morning because I just can't wait for what they day will bring. But every single day, I know that I am in the greatest profession on the face of the planet! And there is not a single thing I'd rather do... ever.
Even on days when I see mean & hateful things posted on social media sites about my friends and my colleagues & my fellow teachers.
And especially on days when I hear from others how I've made an impact on ONE. That one makes it worth it.
I am a Teacher. And I am proud to be one.
1.31.2014
10.01.2013
Contentment
If frequency of blogging is any indication of the busyness of life... then I must be one busy gal! Seriously. I want to blog. I just don't make time for it. I'm like the apostle Paul, "I do the things I don't want to do; and I don't do the things I want to do." Except, I'm operating on a much less spiritual level...
So, for an update on the Hodsons. In three words: We. Are. Awesome.
We're still at our little church, which is fast becoming not-so-little. We're getting ready to embark on a building project (I know! Building Campaigns... oy vey!) But it will be so awesome for us as a church family... Every day I'm more and more thankful that God chose to send us to Perche. As hesitant as I was to go there... and as fiercely as I dragged my feet... He has given us some of the best friendships that we've ever had through our family there. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it is for my kids to have 2 (or 3 or 4) extra sets of grandparents, who love them & love on them & will speak love & truth into their lives.
So, basically, we love it here. If it were up to us, we may never leave. :)
Cole is also forever-busy working... mostly on other people's cars. What an incredible gift that God gave Him, to be able to fix anything. His extra work blesses our family beyond belief!
I've started yet another year in 8th grade. I just love it more & more every year! I have a fabulous group of kiddos, and I absolutely love teaching history. They say "work at something you love, and you'll never work a day in your life" Most days, I feel that way. Most days.
This year, though, more than ever before, I had some serious "mommy-guilt" when I headed back to school. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older (read: more emotional) or if it's because my babies are getting older or that there are 2 of them now... or a combination of those & 1,000 other things. But for the first time I had to really consider if working was what I wanted. More than that, if it is what God wanted for me. I struggled.
To be honest, I'm still struggling a little. The dream world where I would be home all day, and my house would be clean, and I could hang out with my girl, maybe even (gasp!) homeschool Javik?! It sounds very ideal. The reality is that I wouldn't be home all day... heaven knows I'd find a million other things to do, or Cole would find them for me! And anyone who knows me knows that my house wouldn't be "clean!" But it sounds good in my head.
Speaking of those babies... oh my heart! They just get more awesome. Every stage is my favorite! At every turn, I think "I want them to stay just. like. this!" And they don't. And I love the next thing even more. Having a big brother (who fancies himself the disciplinarian) and a little sister (who KNOWS she is the D.I.V.A. of this house) is the most amazing / stressful / joyful / trying thing I've ever known. I love them.
And they could not be more different than one another. For all the ways that Jav was a mellow, easy-going, self-entertaining guy... picture the exact opposite = that's Z! She's a hot-mess most of the time, but shares his fun sense of humor and gift of "vocalization" (the girl does not stop talking!... I'm inclined to blame her dad, but...)
And that big brother. He's rocking the 1st Grade! His reading is unbelievable... Cole & I both are in awe as we sit and listen to him read. And he loves it. We're going to do everything we can to keep that going :) He's also pretty great at math. We've had a teeny tiny little crossroads this year where he absolutely loves to learn, but he's not so in love with the whole "work ALL day at school" thing. We're working to overcome. We shall prevail! What I want for him, more than being really smart & doing well at school work, is to become really great at being a hard worker. That way, when things come easy to him, he knows he's a great learner... and when things don't come so easy to him, he knows he's a great learner.
So that's about it for our little corner of the world. We just pretty much do our thing. And we pretty much love it. I painted on a canvas recently this quote: "We didn't realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun!" That's so us. I know we'll look back on these days & years and realize that we were making the memories that will be their childhoods... but for the time being, we're just having fun :)
So, for an update on the Hodsons. In three words: We. Are. Awesome.
We're still at our little church, which is fast becoming not-so-little. We're getting ready to embark on a building project (I know! Building Campaigns... oy vey!) But it will be so awesome for us as a church family... Every day I'm more and more thankful that God chose to send us to Perche. As hesitant as I was to go there... and as fiercely as I dragged my feet... He has given us some of the best friendships that we've ever had through our family there. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it is for my kids to have 2 (or 3 or 4) extra sets of grandparents, who love them & love on them & will speak love & truth into their lives.
So, basically, we love it here. If it were up to us, we may never leave. :)
Cole is also forever-busy working... mostly on other people's cars. What an incredible gift that God gave Him, to be able to fix anything. His extra work blesses our family beyond belief!
I've started yet another year in 8th grade. I just love it more & more every year! I have a fabulous group of kiddos, and I absolutely love teaching history. They say "work at something you love, and you'll never work a day in your life" Most days, I feel that way. Most days.
This year, though, more than ever before, I had some serious "mommy-guilt" when I headed back to school. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older (read: more emotional) or if it's because my babies are getting older or that there are 2 of them now... or a combination of those & 1,000 other things. But for the first time I had to really consider if working was what I wanted. More than that, if it is what God wanted for me. I struggled.
To be honest, I'm still struggling a little. The dream world where I would be home all day, and my house would be clean, and I could hang out with my girl, maybe even (gasp!) homeschool Javik?! It sounds very ideal. The reality is that I wouldn't be home all day... heaven knows I'd find a million other things to do, or Cole would find them for me! And anyone who knows me knows that my house wouldn't be "clean!" But it sounds good in my head.
Speaking of those babies... oh my heart! They just get more awesome. Every stage is my favorite! At every turn, I think "I want them to stay just. like. this!" And they don't. And I love the next thing even more. Having a big brother (who fancies himself the disciplinarian) and a little sister (who KNOWS she is the D.I.V.A. of this house) is the most amazing / stressful / joyful / trying thing I've ever known. I love them.
And they could not be more different than one another. For all the ways that Jav was a mellow, easy-going, self-entertaining guy... picture the exact opposite = that's Z! She's a hot-mess most of the time, but shares his fun sense of humor and gift of "vocalization" (the girl does not stop talking!... I'm inclined to blame her dad, but...)
And that big brother. He's rocking the 1st Grade! His reading is unbelievable... Cole & I both are in awe as we sit and listen to him read. And he loves it. We're going to do everything we can to keep that going :) He's also pretty great at math. We've had a teeny tiny little crossroads this year where he absolutely loves to learn, but he's not so in love with the whole "work ALL day at school" thing. We're working to overcome. We shall prevail! What I want for him, more than being really smart & doing well at school work, is to become really great at being a hard worker. That way, when things come easy to him, he knows he's a great learner... and when things don't come so easy to him, he knows he's a great learner.
So that's about it for our little corner of the world. We just pretty much do our thing. And we pretty much love it. I painted on a canvas recently this quote: "We didn't realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun!" That's so us. I know we'll look back on these days & years and realize that we were making the memories that will be their childhoods... but for the time being, we're just having fun :)
4.02.2012
look what we've become!
Wow. It's a good thing I'm not involved in some kind of "Frequent Blogger" competition!
Because I would FAIL.
Anyhoo...
Princess Zailey Belle has arrived. She made her grand entrance on December 19 and WHEW! If we thought we were ready for her, little did we know the Diva who would be moving in. haha At just 3 months old I can already tell she has quite the personality. She knows what she wants, and isn't timid about letting others know too. She adores her big brother, and when she grins that big ol' grin, every heart in our household absolutely melts!
Speaking of big brother... I know my heart changed forever the day I became a mom. But I now know that it was forever changed again when my first baby looked at my newest baby and his first words were "I think she's the beautiful baby sister in the whole world!" Aaah! Jav takes all of his passion & excitement for life and puts it right into his new role as big brother. He's an all-in kind of kid. And I love everything about that!
I just took him to register for Kindergarten... yes, Kindergarten! I have no idea where the time has gone... How is it possible that my baby boy will soon be FIVE and be going to school?! But he's so ready! He's so excited, and absolutely certain that he is going to rock elementary school.
I kind of agree with him. ;)
As for the parents of these fabulous children... Cole and I are planning a big vacation this summer to celebrate our TENTH wedding anniversary! Sometimes I look over at that boy that I fell in love with 15 years ago and I am pert-near speechless that those two kids have become these two grown-ups... I mean, two in-love teenagers have become a family of FOUR! We're still side-by-side, loving each other, loving Jesus, and now loving these two people God has given us to raise up.
We often say to one another, "We're not raising kids... we're training disciples." Oh, how I pray that's true. I love this family that we're becoming... and I love to watch my husband, the love of my life, be the daddy of my babies!
They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Much like his boy, my hubby is also an all-in kind of guy! He has SO much passion! And it transcends everything he does. Including fatherhood. You know that heart melting thing I mentioned before.... yep, it's back when I watch Cole with Jav & Z. So precious!
So... we're good. We're busy, we're crazy sometimes, the house is usually a mess and we're washing laundry as we wear it... but we're good! God has blessed us beyond anything we ever could have hoped for or imagined!
So just like Him!
Because I would FAIL.
Anyhoo...
Princess Zailey Belle has arrived. She made her grand entrance on December 19 and WHEW! If we thought we were ready for her, little did we know the Diva who would be moving in. haha At just 3 months old I can already tell she has quite the personality. She knows what she wants, and isn't timid about letting others know too. She adores her big brother, and when she grins that big ol' grin, every heart in our household absolutely melts!
Speaking of big brother... I know my heart changed forever the day I became a mom. But I now know that it was forever changed again when my first baby looked at my newest baby and his first words were "I think she's the beautiful baby sister in the whole world!" Aaah! Jav takes all of his passion & excitement for life and puts it right into his new role as big brother. He's an all-in kind of kid. And I love everything about that!
I just took him to register for Kindergarten... yes, Kindergarten! I have no idea where the time has gone... How is it possible that my baby boy will soon be FIVE and be going to school?! But he's so ready! He's so excited, and absolutely certain that he is going to rock elementary school.
I kind of agree with him. ;)
As for the parents of these fabulous children... Cole and I are planning a big vacation this summer to celebrate our TENTH wedding anniversary! Sometimes I look over at that boy that I fell in love with 15 years ago and I am pert-near speechless that those two kids have become these two grown-ups... I mean, two in-love teenagers have become a family of FOUR! We're still side-by-side, loving each other, loving Jesus, and now loving these two people God has given us to raise up.
We often say to one another, "We're not raising kids... we're training disciples." Oh, how I pray that's true. I love this family that we're becoming... and I love to watch my husband, the love of my life, be the daddy of my babies!
They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Much like his boy, my hubby is also an all-in kind of guy! He has SO much passion! And it transcends everything he does. Including fatherhood. You know that heart melting thing I mentioned before.... yep, it's back when I watch Cole with Jav & Z. So precious!
So... we're good. We're busy, we're crazy sometimes, the house is usually a mess and we're washing laundry as we wear it... but we're good! God has blessed us beyond anything we ever could have hoped for or imagined!
So just like Him!
9.08.2011
Change...
"Times they are a-changing." I don't really know who said that, but its so true in my life right now! First... Baby Zailey is on her way. We're adding a princess to the CH household in December. Not only will our lives be completely turned upside down by another baby, but a GIRL baby at that! Contrary to (my) popular belief, being a girl doesn't mean you know what to do with one. But we are excited to meet her!
However, in preparation for her arrival, we're switching up the bedroom sitch. Javik is moving to the loft. Some days he's excited about this. Other days he cries that he just loves his downstairs room! It breaks my heart to make him move... even when I know he'll eventually love it and it really is the best scenario for everyone. So begins the process of cleaning my stuff out of the loft so that we can move his stuff up there so that we can fill his old room with her new stuff! Where in the world do we get so much STUFF?!
On top of all of that, we're once again seeking God's direction in the job field. I know that God moves in our lives to teach us & grow our faith, and that it's selfish of me to think that He'll move in our lives again in the same way He's moved before... but that really is my prayer! I want so badly to know that making any kind of job move is His will for us that I'm praying for another billboard. You know: God, sell our house (even when its not for sale); God, provide us another house (even one that we tried & failed to get ourselves); God, send a church to come looking for us (even when we're resistant to the idea of going there)! How likely is it that He'll do all of those things again?! Probably not all that likely. But that's what I'm praying anyway. Either that or that He'll make things so miserable where we are, that we have no choice but to leave! lol
Maybe we'll be right here forever... but maybe not. And if or when that "maybe not" comes, I want to not only be ready, but willing. Babies & all... willing to pick up & move & start over. But it doesn't make it any easier to think about!
So, although I'm not generally a fan of change, some of these big changes are exciting. Some are a little scary. But as long as I know they're of God, they're all possible!
However, in preparation for her arrival, we're switching up the bedroom sitch. Javik is moving to the loft. Some days he's excited about this. Other days he cries that he just loves his downstairs room! It breaks my heart to make him move... even when I know he'll eventually love it and it really is the best scenario for everyone. So begins the process of cleaning my stuff out of the loft so that we can move his stuff up there so that we can fill his old room with her new stuff! Where in the world do we get so much STUFF?!
On top of all of that, we're once again seeking God's direction in the job field. I know that God moves in our lives to teach us & grow our faith, and that it's selfish of me to think that He'll move in our lives again in the same way He's moved before... but that really is my prayer! I want so badly to know that making any kind of job move is His will for us that I'm praying for another billboard. You know: God, sell our house (even when its not for sale); God, provide us another house (even one that we tried & failed to get ourselves); God, send a church to come looking for us (even when we're resistant to the idea of going there)! How likely is it that He'll do all of those things again?! Probably not all that likely. But that's what I'm praying anyway. Either that or that He'll make things so miserable where we are, that we have no choice but to leave! lol
Maybe we'll be right here forever... but maybe not. And if or when that "maybe not" comes, I want to not only be ready, but willing. Babies & all... willing to pick up & move & start over. But it doesn't make it any easier to think about!
So, although I'm not generally a fan of change, some of these big changes are exciting. Some are a little scary. But as long as I know they're of God, they're all possible!
12.27.2010
Wait! No, just wait...
Isaiah 40:31 says this:
"But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind."
Now for starters, I'd love to run and not get tired. That would do wonders for my workout regimen. And the hubby would certainly be thrilled if I would walk and not lag behind. [I blame his long legs...]
But the part of this verse that is hitting me square in the face right now is that first line...
"But those who wait upon God..."
I did Beth Moore's study of Esther this fall, and in one of the lessons she talks about waiting on the Lord rather than waiting on an event. And while I thoroughly enjoyed the lesson and loved Beth's insight... I didn't realize how much I was waiting on any event until just recently.
I want another baby.
There, its out. Out there in cyberspace, for all the world to read [as if "all the world" reads this blog], never to be removed from web-history.
I want another baby. I want Javik to be a big brother. I want to be pregnant again, and go through that newborn stage again, and experience the thrill of watching another helpless infant become an independent person.
And it's not happening.
Granted, we've only been trying for about 4 months. And I know that there are couples who try for years. Close friends of ours, in fact. So, I'm not begging for pity. I'm just realizing that I'm waiting on this event. I'm trusting in my own ability to get pregnant [not completely on my own, of course, but.... this is a family blog].
Instead of waiting on the Lord, in His perfect timing and infinite wisdom and divine plan for my life and my family, I'm waiting on a baby.
And to make matters worse, it seems like everyone else I know IS having a baby.
Friends who have literally been trying for years... expecting.
Friends who already have children, but who have experienced heartache in having others... expecting.
Friends who already have more children than they ever planned, and who were not trying to have any more... expecting.
Friends who have no business having a baby because their lives are a mess to begin with... expecting.
Friends who aren't married, and who never thought "this" could happen to them... expecting.
And I'll be honest, I'm fighting a little bitterness. I'm fighting the urge to ask God if He forgot about me. Doesn't He know my plans? My desires? My timeframe?
I thought I had it all planned so well... Javik would be about 4... baby would be born in May so that I could have the whole summer off without taking maternity leave...
and yet, nothing.
So how does one "wait on God"?
I'm trying to wait by trusting. Trusting that God, in fact, does know me and remember me and love me. He knows what's best for me because He not only knows where I've been... He knows where I'm going. He knows what's ahead for my family, and He knows when it will be the perfect time for us to add to it, or if it won't be perfect at all for us to add to it.
And I know that regardless of the efforts of others, no life is created by accident. God just as purposely created the lives of those babies for our friends who so desperately want to be parents as He did the lives of the babies for those people who aren't at all ready for it... and He's just as purposely not creating another life in this family.
I am but a speck in the paint of one stroke on the canvas... and He can see the entire mural.
Lord, teach me what it means to "wait" on You. That my strength will be renewed. That my faith will be strengthened. That my love for you would begin to reflect one tiny ounce of your love for me. Thank you for that love. Thank you for having a plan for my life.
And thank you, that no matter whether another baby ever comes along or not, I already have one amazing family!
"But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind."
Now for starters, I'd love to run and not get tired. That would do wonders for my workout regimen. And the hubby would certainly be thrilled if I would walk and not lag behind. [I blame his long legs...]
But the part of this verse that is hitting me square in the face right now is that first line...
"But those who wait upon God..."
I did Beth Moore's study of Esther this fall, and in one of the lessons she talks about waiting on the Lord rather than waiting on an event. And while I thoroughly enjoyed the lesson and loved Beth's insight... I didn't realize how much I was waiting on any event until just recently.
I want another baby.
There, its out. Out there in cyberspace, for all the world to read [as if "all the world" reads this blog], never to be removed from web-history.
I want another baby. I want Javik to be a big brother. I want to be pregnant again, and go through that newborn stage again, and experience the thrill of watching another helpless infant become an independent person.
And it's not happening.
Granted, we've only been trying for about 4 months. And I know that there are couples who try for years. Close friends of ours, in fact. So, I'm not begging for pity. I'm just realizing that I'm waiting on this event. I'm trusting in my own ability to get pregnant [not completely on my own, of course, but.... this is a family blog].
Instead of waiting on the Lord, in His perfect timing and infinite wisdom and divine plan for my life and my family, I'm waiting on a baby.
And to make matters worse, it seems like everyone else I know IS having a baby.
Friends who have literally been trying for years... expecting.
Friends who already have children, but who have experienced heartache in having others... expecting.
Friends who already have more children than they ever planned, and who were not trying to have any more... expecting.
Friends who have no business having a baby because their lives are a mess to begin with... expecting.
Friends who aren't married, and who never thought "this" could happen to them... expecting.
And I'll be honest, I'm fighting a little bitterness. I'm fighting the urge to ask God if He forgot about me. Doesn't He know my plans? My desires? My timeframe?
I thought I had it all planned so well... Javik would be about 4... baby would be born in May so that I could have the whole summer off without taking maternity leave...
and yet, nothing.
So how does one "wait on God"?
I'm trying to wait by trusting. Trusting that God, in fact, does know me and remember me and love me. He knows what's best for me because He not only knows where I've been... He knows where I'm going. He knows what's ahead for my family, and He knows when it will be the perfect time for us to add to it, or if it won't be perfect at all for us to add to it.
And I know that regardless of the efforts of others, no life is created by accident. God just as purposely created the lives of those babies for our friends who so desperately want to be parents as He did the lives of the babies for those people who aren't at all ready for it... and He's just as purposely not creating another life in this family.
I am but a speck in the paint of one stroke on the canvas... and He can see the entire mural.
Lord, teach me what it means to "wait" on You. That my strength will be renewed. That my faith will be strengthened. That my love for you would begin to reflect one tiny ounce of your love for me. Thank you for that love. Thank you for having a plan for my life.
And thank you, that no matter whether another baby ever comes along or not, I already have one amazing family!
5.29.2010
Verdigris Extremity
At the risk of shocking anyone who really knows me...
I think I'm getting a Green Thumb!
When we moved to our house 2 years ago one of the things that I loved about it was all of the landscaping beds. So, as a token of my appreciation of them, I have successfully neglected said landscaping beds since the day we moved in. Not on purpose of course, just because I don't really know anything about gardening or taking care of plants!
So one of my goals for this summer was to clean out & clean up those landscaping beds. Weed them out, plant some new plants, and re-mulch... and so it begins. Just as I was getting ready to begin my undertaking, we heard about a landscaping business that was closing nearby, and they were planning to auction all of their inventory! Perfect! So we went, we spent, and we came home with quite a haul.
Knowing nothing about any plants, including the ones I purchased at the auction, I googled all of them and made a plan. Since then, I've made about 4 trips to Menards & nearly doubled my plant "collection"!
I'm about a third of the way through my landscaping beds... I've used about 10 of my 40 bags of mulch... I've planted 4 planters & 9 pots of flowers... and I'm loving it! Turns out gardening flowers provides a lot of time to think, and provides a lot of similarities to my spiritual life. My existing plants were full of dead leaves and dying stems, which left no room for new life to grow through! I've realized I'm a lot like those plants. I hold on to all of the dead & painful things in my life, never being willing to let Jesus "clean me up" so that new life can grow!
I'm sure that if my plants could talk, they'd share that being weeded is no fun. But the pain is worth the growth! My heart is the same way.... being spiritually weeded is no fun. And unlike my plants, I have the ability to hold on... hold on to the old without giving it over to the LORD. But when I am willing to let go, willing to give it over to Him, that's when I can grow! Grow in Him and for Him.
And so, this summer, I'm seeing change in more than just my landscaping! My property is getting a makeover & so am I!
And if any of my newly planted friends survive the next month or so, I'll be sure to post pics to share! =D
5.14.2010
Branching Out in the Blogosphere
Apparently it's not enough for me to not keep up with one blog... I've started another!
My Javik says & does the funniest things on a daily basis. And I know that the reality of life & motherhood is that I will not remember them, despite how much I really would love to.
So I've started blogging the funny things that he says, the "Javisms" of our life.
www.javisms.blogspot.com
Thank goodness I'm a mother in this day of technology... my boy turns 3 next month & I barely have his first months scrapbooked. I've forgotten to write down nearly every thing a mother is supposed to record in a baby book. If it weren't for our periodic recordings of his height & weight on his closet doorway, I'd have nothing!
So these Javisms will hopefully enable me to look back on my days with my little guy and smile. I spend every day with 13 & 14 year old boys... I know that despite my every attempt to keep it from happening, Javik will one day become one of them. And I know from my many conversations with the mothers of my students that apparently the teenage years of your children come with worries & stresses & frustrations & joys of their own. I want to be able to remember. To remember what the worries & stresses & frustrations & joys were of having a (3) year old. And hopefully to look back with fondness while looking at the amazing young man my boy has become.
My Javik says & does the funniest things on a daily basis. And I know that the reality of life & motherhood is that I will not remember them, despite how much I really would love to.
So I've started blogging the funny things that he says, the "Javisms" of our life.
www.javisms.blogspot.com
Thank goodness I'm a mother in this day of technology... my boy turns 3 next month & I barely have his first months scrapbooked. I've forgotten to write down nearly every thing a mother is supposed to record in a baby book. If it weren't for our periodic recordings of his height & weight on his closet doorway, I'd have nothing!
So these Javisms will hopefully enable me to look back on my days with my little guy and smile. I spend every day with 13 & 14 year old boys... I know that despite my every attempt to keep it from happening, Javik will one day become one of them. And I know from my many conversations with the mothers of my students that apparently the teenage years of your children come with worries & stresses & frustrations & joys of their own. I want to be able to remember. To remember what the worries & stresses & frustrations & joys were of having a (3) year old. And hopefully to look back with fondness while looking at the amazing young man my boy has become.
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