When we moved to Moberly my Javinator was a little nervous about being the "new kid." He started school here in a "funnel" year... a year when students from multiple schools all combine together in a new building. I tried to assure him that this was a good thing, "everyone is 'new'." And it was a good thing.
But it was a difficult thing too. Because there were so many "new" people to get to know, kids naturally found other kids they already knew. And because half of his grade was "new" to the other half, everyone assumed that he was one of the "others." I don't know him... he must be from _____ school.
It was a blessing and a curse.
He's acclimated just fine.
During that first year in the Magic City, I tried to coach him on how to make new friends. Personally, I've always felt like I thrive in social situations. Even among new people. I'm comfortable, I'm confident, I can just be myself and get to know others. I tried to encourage Javik to do the same. He's a great kid! He's funny, smart, kind... if he would just be himself, others would see those qualities in him too and he'd have new friends in no time.
Then, the following year, I was new. And it was his turn to coach me. He gave me the same advice I had given him. "Be yourself, mom! Your new coworkers will see how great you are and you'll have new friends in no time!" Bless him.
I feel like it went pretty well. As a direct answer to my prayer that MMS would feel like home right away, God allowed me to have administrators, a team and a grade level that instantly felt like "my people." What a privilege! Turns out, the "skills" I learned in my decade and a half as a minister's wife came in handy. I remember names & details that make me personable. #itsnotbraggingifitstrue
My next prayer is a little trickier. "God, send me friends." That's a pretty big request. And, if you're already my friend, don't get me wrong: I love you! I have the most dear friends a woman could ever ask for! A best friend who just gets me and loves me as I am. Three girlfriends who have been my people for actual decades, who just speak every bit of my language. Friends who bring joy to my soul and provide great, Godly council when I need it, as well as room for me to relax and hang out when I need that too.
But most of them don't live in Moberly. <insert sad face, pity-party here>
They live 30 minutes away. An hour, or two, away. I'm thankful that they live close enough for me to see them every once in awhile. But they're not close enough to be my tribe.
My prayers are for a tribe.
"Tribe" = Fellow Magic City women who can pick up my kid from school randomly if I need her to... who will let me do my laundry at her house when my dryer breaks... who will meet up with me on a whim on a random Tuesday night while my kids are at soccer & drink cappucino and vent about the day.
That defines a "tribe" to me. That's what I long for. Is this too much to ask? Does this exist in real life or is it something I've seen in movies & on TV and want re-created in my own life? Do you have this? And if so, is your tribe accepting new members?
There are a few of those women whom I have met, some whose kids are alongside my kids in school or soccer or church. I want to be friends with them. I want to invite them to be my tribe... or perhaps, have them invite me to be part of theirs!?!
But I don't know how.
I don't know how to really make new friends. I'm great at meeting new people. I'm great at being friendly with new people. But to really be friends. "I don't know what to do with my hands"... or my self. I lived my whole life in the same house in the same town. I played sports and went to church with the same girls from pre-school through high school. I went to college with my boyfriend. I went back to my hometown for my first five years of married adult life. I taught most of my career in the same building where I went to middle school. Herego... I'm only two years into this new found un-comfort zone! And as I've been praying about this lately, because lately it's really something that my little heart is longing for... I'm wondering how well I'm living this out by example for my kids. I spent a whole school year encouraging Javik & coaching him in something that, as it turns out, I don't really know how to do!
It's hard to put yourself out there! What if they don't like me? What if they act like they like me, but they don't really? What if they do like me, and I think we're friends, but they really just keep defaulting back to their other friends over me?
Am I a middle school girl?! Does this ever end?
Is it acceptable to just walk up to another mom and invite her to be my friend? Should I bring snacks to win her affection? Should I just sit down beside her and pretend like we're already friends? Maybe she'll think we already are.
I'm in uncharted territory.... so if I walk up to you and just pretend like we have an ongoing deep friendship, just go with it. I'm trying out some new strategies!
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